You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
