As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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