Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
