Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
