Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
