You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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