Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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