i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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