Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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