I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
