can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
