The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
