we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
