how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
