just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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