listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
