We won't sleep together?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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