nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
