i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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