Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
