I got chris browned last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
