you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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