Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
