All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
