Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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