first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Where is the hickey?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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