You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many fucks given?
0.12846
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
