Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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