Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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