I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
