who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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