this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
