filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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