tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
