I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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