At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
