guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize