If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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