Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
