I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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