ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
