actually, I'm a sock model
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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