If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
