my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
