Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
