I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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