Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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