i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
