me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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