i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
