saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
