you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
