Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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