I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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