unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
