They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
