My first STD was from a foam party
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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