i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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