Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
