I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
