At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
