ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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