yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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