i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
