idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
