omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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