He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
