If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
